Am I Having a Midlife Crisis?
If you’ve found yourself asking ChatGPT this question at 2am, you aren’t alone.
Many individuals reach midlife (loosely defined as ages 40-60) and find themselves questioning everything, even if everything in life seems “fine” on a macro-level. Midlife is a time of prolific change and transition. Life transitions can kick up existential questions of “what’s next” and “is this really how I want to be going about my life?”
Life has a way of throwing us curveballs, and changes don’t typically happen one-at-a-time — they happen all at once, or overlap with each other before any stressor actually resolves.
It’s no wonder that folks in midlife often feel overwhelmed, stuck, and fantasize about burning down their lives.
Some common transitions in midlife include:
Midlife brings about transitions whether we want them or not. While it may seem unclear, there is always a path forward!
Entering a new phase of parenting (i.e., kids are now teenagers)
Becoming an empty nester
Aging parents
Being more advanced in your career (perhaps you’ve taken on a leadership or management position)
Divorce or separation
Perimenopause and menopause
Changes in health and functional abilities
Rather than a sudden meltdown, midlife stress can show up as:
Feeling like you’re going through the motions of life (and doing what needs to get done) but not really present or enjoying anything
Snapping at your partner and/or kids, and feeling bad about it later
Fantasizing about a less complicated phase of your life, or asking yourself what life might be like if you had never made XYZ decision
Tossing and turning all night with racing thoughts
Feeling disconnected from other people
Why this phase can feel so intense
Earlier in life, we’re often focused on expanding—careers, families, relationships.
Midlife invites a different task: alignment. You’re no longer asking Who should I become? but Who am I now, and what matters most?
That shift can be uncomfortable, especially for high-achievers or those used to having “it all figured out.”
It’s important to know that asking yourself these deep questions is is a normal, healthy part of development.
Values are compass points in our lives that give us direction. Values are qualities that are meaningful to us and ways we aspire to be (i.e., honesty, integrity, compassionate). Values are personally chosen (no one can tell you what your values are) and driven by life experience.
Sometimes values shift and change during seasons of stress, loss, or transition.
Sometimes we realize that the things that mattered to us before don’t matter as much during a new phase of life.
And sometimes, the things we do to cope with stress (scrolling, alcohol use, shopping, canceling plans) end up pulling us farther away from our values and what matters most.
When we live life in alignment with our values, it creates a deep sense of purpose, meaning, and joy.
So the task at hand in midlife is to slow down, break out of autopilot, and look inwards.
What actually helps during a midlife transition
You don’t need to blow up your life to move forward. Small, intentional steps matter:
Create space to reflect rather than react
Notice what drains you (be specific- relationships, activities, etc.)
Notice what activities fill your cup, and how this feels in your body and emotions
Write down your top 3-5 core values and brainstorm actions that are in alignment with these values
Think about a previous chapter of life when things felt more in alignment. What were you doing differently then, and what can you weave into this current phase of life?
Be gentle with yourself- you don’t need to have all the answers or a perfect action plan right away
Talk it through with a professional trained to help you make sense of the transition
A reframe to consider
Instead of wondering if you’re having a “midlife crisis,” what if we framed this instead as an invitation?
This phase of life has a way of illuminating what’s no longer working for you and what needs to change. With curiosity, compassion, and the right support, midlife doesn’t need to be a black hole of stress. It can be an opportunity to turn towards more alignment, clarity, and meaning as you step into this next chapter of life.